| “A new day together” by Sep *** Honor and love to Travis. *** Part 4 They set out into the noise and bustle of the city that was filled with holiday shoppers, aside from the usual human traffic. She could tell he was thinking about all that had been said to him, and all that might lay ahead as a result. Damn but he walked fast. She reached for his hand to slow him down, but also because she truthfully wanted to feel him close and warm. As they stopped outside the store she looked him over and for a minute wished they had made love that morning. It was almost impossible not to desire him even in the most unglamorous moments like this, when the wind whipped his hair and hers into tangled messes. "You're cold aren't you?" "This jacket does not really help." He answered. Well, yes John, her mind shot back, but if you'd get some shoes on that would help. That would have to come soon. He couldn't walk around in the snow barefoot. The thought of him doing that was enough to bring a smile and yet she wanted to get in somewhere out of the cold. Again came the disturbing possibility that they might even at this very second, be watched by any number of people. Suddenly, she had a thought and with his hand in hers, she led the way until a block or so later, they reached the steps of a little bookstore she knew about. She has spent long, lazy afternoons in the warm, dark corners, reading and sipping rich, strong coffee, and best of all, there was an enclosed, and best of all, heated courtyard. It was the perfect place for talking quietly, intimately, and she turned to watch his face as they stepped inside. He scanned the high shelves, piled in the fashion of any old bookstore, rather haphazardly and disorganized. She could tell he was smelling the air, and even she inhaled that old, familiar scent, letting it bring back what memories came with the aged paper, cracked leather bound smell of the place. She ordered two coffees at the counter, assuming he'd want something to warm up. It was hard not knowing him as she'd like to, not knowing the things he liked or even hated. Of course, she'd seen even in the brief time she'd known him one thing he absolutely did not like, and that was to be touched by strangers, or more specifically, strangers he perceived to be, what was the word, threatening? It left her mind as the steaming cups met her hand and John leaned close to the lid, smelling it with a smile. "Come on, let's go sit down." She invited, pulling the cup away to entice him to follow it and her to the courtyard where she sat on a wide bench, nestled in between two enormous book shelves. He took his cup and almost dropped it. "It's hot!" His eyes said it was more than he'd expected. "Coffee, right?" "Right." Easily she sipped hers and felt the warmth spread, curling down and through her body. "Try it, it's good, but don't take a big mouthful. Just a sip." He did, and licked his lips afterward, playing the taste, exploring it and finally nodding in approval as he sat down next to her. "It's very nice here. So many books. You could never read them all." He sighed. "I could not read them all." "John, you're going to discover so much. Kathleen's right you know. The only way you're ever going to be able to stand up for what's yours is to learn the language again, to be able to understand and not let anyone take advantage of you, anymore than they already have. You deserve everything that your father wanted you to have. It's your right, John. No one else should have any part of your birth right." It felt like treading on treacherous territory to speak of such things to him. Maybe it wasn't even her right to interfere. The coffee had cooled enough to take a larger drink as she watched him. "What do you mean, Jane. You have not told me. Kathleen has not told me and He has not told me why I have to learn so much. Why must I be a part of all that if I don't care about it?" He took the lid off of his cup and studied the black liquid. "I want to learn things only to talk to you. To be …" That pause told her what his next words would be. "To be the kind of man you want. Like I should be." Sitting down her cup on the dusty shelf beside her, she once more took his hand. "John, it's not really my place to tell you about how you are involved in Greystoke. That would be better from Kathleen, and you can ask her you know. She loves you John. If I ever doubted that, I don't doubt it now." She made sure he was looking at her before she continued. "As for me, " she sighed and paused. How could she tell him he didn't have to change for her. She loved his innocence and his untamed soul, but even she had to admit it would be much nicer to have him understand her better, and to be more civilized so that they could maybe have a chance at a somewhat normal future together. "As for me John, you are… you have changed my life so much. I love so much about you just the way you are and I think it will be wonderful to see you grow into the man I know you are already, inside." She bit her lip, hoping that covered both sides of her feeling on the matter. "I will ask Kathleen. I want to know." He swallowed down the last of the brew and set the cup aside. "And you?" He moved to sit closer so that they were face to face, their knees touching on the bench. His hands, warmed and soft held her face and brought her lips within an inch of his own. "You said that word. What does it mean when you say it?" She studied him even as he held her. That word. Oh, right. How easily it had come out without thought. She turned her face away and tried to explain. "John, that word, love, it's used a lot. Too much probably. When I said it just now, I mean, I meant that…" He got up as if he was going to walk off. "You don't know what you mean with that word." "No, that's not true." She instantly was on her feet and in front of him, stopping him before he could take another step. "It's not true John. I just eh… hadn't planned to," She laughed and tightened her lips nervously as she looked at him. " to tell you that I love you right here in the bookstore." "Why not here? Is there a better place to say it?" With that, she laughed outright. His simplicity again, disarming to say the least. "No, I guess not." She put her arms on his, and felt his hands clasp onto her. "You have changed my life you know." When she looked around she wasn't surprised to find that they were alone. It seemed that they were the only two people on the planet just now, here in the silence of the room. The afternoon was slipping away and the tiny white lights had come on above them in the tall, decorative trees. When she took it all in and then looked back to the seriousness of his face, the sincerity there that waited to hear her profession, it suddenly seemed the absolute perfect place to tell him after all. "I never thought, John, that I would feel this way about someone. I thought I knew what love was before. Love was safe, and smooth, and I guess I had a life that was going all right, maybe even a little boring." He looked at her and let her arms go, following her as she walked slowly and felt out the rest of her words. "And then I met you, I mean, I didn't even meet you I … you saved my life that first night, and since then, so much has happened. So much. I thought I knew everything John. I thought I knew life, and who to trust, and right from wrong, and I thought I knew love, but…" She turned to look at him, almost realizing a truth even as it came from her lips. "I guess I didn't know anything, because I've never ever loved anyone like I love you." A smile broke on her face and it was immediately followed by a rush of tears as the whole range of emotions passed through her and he came to her, strong and gentle all at once and held her to him there in the seclusion of the darkening room. "Jane.." He lifted her face and wiped her tears away. "I hear that word. I know it, from a long time ago. I know Kathleen loves me." Emphasis on the word to stress understanding on that level. "But you, what you said, " He smiled and then she saw his eyes, big blue-green and shiny with tears all his own. "It is a better way. I wanted you to love me. I don't understand many words and many things, Jane. I understand that word. I do. I have felt that love for you." With that, it was official, he closed his eyes and tender, beautiful tears crawled down his face, and it was her turn to reach up and gather them with her fingers. As she did, without thinking, without asking, and without any resistance met, his lips touched hers. It was unforgettable and perfect as she slipped her arms around his neck and felt him pull her body tight against his own. No holding back, she returned and encouraged the kiss as if she'd been waiting for it all her life, hungry and tender all in the same breath until finally, remembering that they weren't quite in a private setting, she pulled back reluctantly, still feeling every bit and wanting more. He smiled and pulled her to him, and for a long moment, that was enough. They stood there together, having made this intimate, breathless and much needed confession, and to move might have broken the spell. "I want to go home. With you." His hand moved down over her back, slowly. He really should go back to Kathleen's. It was better that he stay there and she knew it, even though she longed for him beside her in her own bed. "John, " She shook her head. "Come on. Let's walk before it gets too cold. We'll see where we wind up, okay?" He nodded and pulled his coat tight, preparing for the change in climate with a look that expressed just how he felt on the matter. The holiday lights had come on all around them, and it was wonderful to walk and hold his hand as he paused, fascinated to look into the trees where the lights hung in every color, and finally when they came to stand in front of the big Christmas tree she couldn't help but to stare at him as he became lost in the magnificent height and presence of the display. "I remember Christmas." He nodded. "Lots of things to eat. Lots of boxes to open. It was a good time." "It still is John. It will be." The hint of pain that had passed over his face disappeared when she took his hand in hers and guided them onward, out of the rising wind but as they made their way toward Kathleen's home, he stopped her on the sidewalk and put his arms on hers firmly. At first she watched his face, thinking he had sensed some danger, someone following them or even someone who needed help. She wondered sometimes in this city where there was so much crime and disregard for the human condition, how he even slept if he felt he needed to help people who were in need. As he shifted his weight, he bit his lip and smiled at her. "I don't want to go back there. Not tonight. I want to go to your room." He looked aside almost with a bit of embarrassment and then looked back at her with a hopeful smile. "Nicki is not there, and Jane, you said later was a promise." She laughed out loud right there amid the passersby and threw her arms around his neck impulsively, noticing the way he seemed to scoop her right up into his chest. "That means yes?" He asked, maybe a bit confused by her sudden jump of physical contact. "Yes, yes, now come on my barefoot man, let's get home." Her voice was still filled with laughter as she hailed a cab and held his hand, ready to give him anything he wanted and more. ***
Written and Completed 11.24.03 COPYRIGHT @2003 Shannon Peirce All rights reserved. No unauthorized reproduction. 399Comments to: sep@minuo.org |