Secrets and Lies - Recaplet Hi, I'm Tarzan. [Insert heavy sigh here.] I don't know what happened. Didn't it start out promising, our time together? I don't even know why they bother calling it Tarzan, since I'm barely in the damn thing. Why not call it Jane Blinks a Lot? I've got so much time on my hands that I've taken up freelance work as a bodyguard, private detective, and cop. I guess I'm going to solve every crime each week. Good thing the NYPD only has five police officers on staff, so I get lots of alone time with the perps. That's what we call them over at the station -- "perps." Anyway, while Jane's traipsing all over the place, having continuity issues with her wardrobe, I'm busy hiding from the men of Greystoke. Again. And what kind of Industry do we do at Greystoke, anyway? I'm curious. Because from what I can tell, the point of this episode was merely to repeat everything we learned from the pilot, and introduce Xena. The fight scenes look like they're from her old show. The bad guys look like Power Rangers half the time. The cops use the same "lesson" we already learned last week, and I'm barely shirtless, dammit! Oh, but I killed someone. A major character. One of the few who had a name, and I dropped him off the tallest roof I could find. That's pretty cool, huh? Nobody comes near Jane, understand? I ain't monkeyin' around. He shot me, but I'm okay. Why can't I take over Greystoke? I have a degree in animal husbandry from the University of the Republic of Congo, for Cheetah's sake! |